Break Ups, Moving on from a Relationship and Tips To Get Back to You

I miss my ex. We broke up not too long ago and so it's understandable that I'd miss him.
Does he miss me?  I don't know.  He hasn't sent a message or called me or anything to indicate that he thinks about me like I think about him.
But I do think about him. Several things bring him to mind,  music,  activities, places,  smells,  food,  anything. This of course is normal for anyone moving on from a relationship they were deeply invested in, so I'd be going against my humanness if I were to deny how I feel.
I don't want to deny it.
I don't want to hide.
Accepting it, Knowing it, feeling what I feel and letting the energy flow through me is the first step I have found to healing and letting go.

Sometimes, Breakups are inevitable and are necessary so Life can align us with the path that's right for us. All of life is a learning process, you never really get it completely and sometimes we must go through several bad turns and maneuver the wrong streets to get to the path that's right for us.
With my recent breakup, I have learned so much. I understand and I have been practicing distance. Which means that I have kept a low profile and resisted the urge to text or call him for a while now. (The Last time I did, it was bad, I learned my lesson hard and I'd share that with you in another post.)
Apparently I am going to have to keep doing this, keeping the distance, until I can finally say I have gotten over him.
I love relationships,  I really do. I love the bonding,  the sharing,  the growing together,  the knowing yourself through someone else,  the kisses,  the friendships,  I really love relationships. But I also love being single. 
Breakups do a lot of good for us if we are willing to see the bright side of it. 
For one,  you are afforded the opportunity to get together with yourself again and align with the lessons a breakup serves to teach you.
If you are open to growth,  you mostly certainly would be able to identify areas of your life needing attention that are suddenly illumined by a breakup. Often times in the beginning we do not see it, but as time passes, we come to appreciate the new space that we have and the opportunity for growth that it presents. 
Here are a few things that could help you if you are going through a Breakup and you have accepted to Move on:

1. Don't think that jumping in with someone new would help alleviate the pain or help forget your ex. This is often a mistake and we unfortunately end up where we started and most times break up with this new person.
Another relationship isn't going to help you get over the past relationship. That's not its job and if that is what you are expecting of it then you are not being fair to this new person.
What would happen is you'd be projecting your insecurities and emotional trauma from the past on this new person and overwhelm them with negativity that they have not bargained for.

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2. Work to Enjoy your new space and time with yourself. This is hard to do at first especially when you are constantly reminded of your ex. But if you focus all of your energies on working to improve yourself then you would be too busy to think. The plan is to be so busy becoming a better you that you do not even have enough time to think of or miss the past.
The work for you right now is to become the person you'd like to date in the future. What characteristics and disciplines would you like for this person to possess. You must know. You have to know what kind of person you want to be with else you'd end up with anyone. The truth is you are simply looking for you in someone else or through someone else.
So it's a win win for you to become the You that you seek to love and love you so much that when this new person comes in your life,  they come to dance in that love that you have already created and that they already have because you can only attract what you are at all times. 

3. Give your ex breathing space. Yes you are in pain and hurting,  but calling them up all the time to talk about it is certainly the kind of move that pushes them farther off. You don't want to give them more affirmation that they made the right move by breaking up with you.
If you have been apart for a long time without any communication, I guess it's okay for you to send a text to check in. But don't send messages expressing how you miss them so badly and want them back.
If you send a text and they reply,  fine. If they don't, fine. In another post I'd share with You how this move might potentially be a bad move.
So if you have made the decision to move on and you know it in your heart that Your Breakup is a good thing, then don't send messages.
When you understand that Life is constantly working for you,  you'd come to appreciate the ups and downs of life.  There has to be a balance.
You might find yourself with someone better in a short time,  if you focus on doing the work to grow you. And when that happens you'd be certainly grateful for this breakup. 

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4. Contain your emotional and mental energies. Energy is what life is made up of. Everything is energy. If you are constantly thinking of your past,  you are letting yourself hang on there energetically. Life is pulling you forward,  always,  toward something better if you believe it.
Also when you give your thought power to your ex by thinking about them,  you are fueling them energetically. This mental energy can be used for many other things in your life right now. Don't spend so much time reminiscing on what could have been. Be powerful enough to let the past go and begin to prepare for the wonderful future that awaits you.

5. Give yourself time.  It is commendable to take advantage of time. Don't be in such a hurry for a new relationship. Being lonely sucks,  yes I know this,  but in loneliness is where a lot of magic happens. You can hear your inner self more,  you can be opened up to insights that you may not have been allowing in before, you are able to get to know you better. Allow yourself the pleasure of spending time alone. If a new relationship seems to be budding with someone else,  stall it. Discipline your emotional need for someone else. Give yourself a time frame to work with. It would help you have clarity and afford you enough time to work through the lessons from the past relationship.

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6. Cleanse your energy. Whatever you must do to rid yourself of old energetic patterns from past relationships,  do that.  Exercise,  fast,  eat healthy, do a water cleanse,  do a prayer cleanse,  meditate,  be celibate, decide what it is going to be for you and cleanse the toxic energy of the past.
I am currently working on my Health and fitness,  writing  some more and staying celibate. I Would update you and let you know how this has been working in a few months.   

I hope this has helped and if you would be kind to share your thoughts in comments, it most certainly would be a pleasure to chat back with you.
Thank you for Reading and I wishing you healthier more fulfilling relationships ahead.

9 comments:

  1. Hmmmmm...nice read...totally relate, totally agree...its been so difficult, I have been blaming myself because I knew better. I let myself get into a relationship that wasn't meant to be...I know if I keep blaming me, I won't move forward...I ask God to fill my heart with love whenever I feel vengeful (oh yes! I feel like getting the fella sometimes but won't that mean the love I had for him was toxic?) I ask God to gimme the strength and grace to forgive him...I can only truly move on and move forward by keeping the right attitude, this I know...becoming a much better person I think is enough payback for any breakup but then again when you have risen above that low place payback is the least thing in mind...thanks for this...God bless...I pray He continues to strengthen you on this journey. Amen.

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    1. Your comment is so full of a true understanding that can only come from the fact that you are growing from this. I am happy to read this because it points the mind in the right direction. Thank you so much for sharing, you are already on the right path, moving forward, becoming better. God bless you Nnnena!

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  2. Lovely Break up and move on tips. But sadly am not in any relationship, and don't even think of one, or perhaps know how a relationship feels like. All the same, I love the post. Cool to know you learnt how to move on, because relationship, and even the break ups also affect your musical life since it can become part of you.

    What about the Collaboration on a song I asked for. You didn't reply, why?

    Happy New Year also.

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  3. I comment twice as a super Fan, I like Secret Lover »$:

    Lovely break up and move tips. Its nice to know you developed a strategy to move on, Because am sure it can affect your musical career, since it can become part of YOU. The break up is even worse I suppose. Sadly I am not in a relationship and not ready for any, and I don't even know how it feels also. Cool to know you are back up. Perhaps you will do more better getting fully back up out of communications with your previous Lover.

    Back again though, where is your reply on a single I requested?

    1. You didn't reply,
    2. You missed out on new year/Xmas Date I invited you for.
    3. I want a collaboration song with you
    4. I demand a reply, as a Fan.
    5. Happy New Year to You.

    I Love you and your Post.

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    1. Thank you so much for your love. I am glad you read and enjoyed the post. Please send a mail again to music.evaalordiah@gmail.com to request your collaboration, in case my management missed that.. It is always a pleasure to work with other artistes. Thank you

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  4. Whao! This is exhilarating. Eva it's like you read right through me. I was in and out of a relationship with the same person twice. Each time I tried to make it work, it got harder and more painful. After she finally broke up with me (last year), I had months of unspoken pain. Though I have never tried to reach out to her in any form, it's been a struggle getting rid of the memories that flood my mind. Unfortunately, I got into another relationship before quite long and even though I love and cherish her and have been trying so hard to not allow my past into my present, I still can't get over the first relationship. I have prayed, meditated, brute-forced and all, but it still comes back every once in a while. Few days ago, I made up my mind to totally forgive her and move on and this has actually helped a little. I hope to recover fully and be happy. I would love your view on this and be grateful to have a chat with you.

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    1. It is so lovely to read from you, and get a Man's perspective of this. I see how we are can all go through these emotions in different ways as men and women but underlying all of that is the genuine and natural need to love and be loved back. I like that you state how forgiving her helped you feel better, and thats quite expected since in Forgiving others we inevitably forgive ourselves too.

      I do believe you still have a lot of spending time with yourself to do and maybe not commit just yet to another relationship. You want to get yourself to a place where all you need you find in yourself alone and you complete yourself and do not necessarily need anyone. I hope you can find the strength to become your own best friend again.

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    2. Thank you Eva. You are the best!

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  5. This is so what i needed..i jus got out of a four year relationship.. The relationship defined me for a long..and now i am trying to figure out who i am all over again..its been 12 days without contact.. Its still fresh.but thanks to this write up i know i will find a way to stay strong.thank you Eva

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