How To Fuuuhh Shit Up AFTER A BREAK-UP- 6 STEPS!

Breakups are hard, and painful. I of all people should know this.

I have had all kinds of break ups in my short beautiful life. The break up from a crush that you never got to Kiss, the break up from the first boyfriend cause you had to travel all across the country to college, the very painful almost regretful break up from the one you thought was the one, the super dramatic breakup from an abusive boyfriend, even a break up after a ring on the Finger.
I have seen it all, maybe not quite all of it, but I dare say I have seen enough.
Funny enough I am not that girl to quit on Love. I never say “Oh fuck that! Men are scum! I don’t need a man.”
Naaahhh hell no! I love love. I love being with someone and giving them so much love and having them support and care for me too. I still look forward to my next love and as much as I am itching to have it, I know I must wait this one out and I am happily waiting right now.

Often times after the realization of a break up sets in, we become defensive, almost standing on the brink of revenge. We feel revengeful not because we are mean people, but because we feel all of these emotions that tell us the other person has done us a bad thing and they must pay for it.
This can be understandable. You are in pain, you feel helpless. Perhaps they have even done the unthinkable and blocked your number or refused your many calls.
How can they not pay?

Truth is, revenge will only take as much energy from you as you need for your own healing and all of that is really unnecessary.
So what do I mean “Fuhhh shit up?”

You have to bring all of your attention back to you.
First let me share 6 Life Lessons from Breakups and these may be general or specific, some may resonate with you and others won’t.

6 Life Lessons from Breakups

  •  Break ups afford you new found time for yourself and your goals
  • There is always a lesson for you in every relationship and you must seek to find out what it is. People do not simply come into your life for no reason, there’s always something to gain that helps you in the evolution of your soul
  • When you go back to reassess what happened, and you ponder on why it happened, you get answers that will help you. You are able to see areas for improvement in your own life
  • Break-ups help you understand yourself as a Lover and exposes you to traits that you do not want in your next partner. You also get to understand what you are looking for in a relationship and can now set yourself up to those new standards.
  • The pain experienced from Break-ups are very Emotionally Healing and as much as this sounds like an irony, it is a fact. The pain pulls you through a break down and rebuild process that you have no choice but to pull through. And you will be the better for it.
  • Now that you are alone, isn’t it wonderful to be able to give yourself your own love?

First I want you to know that fuhhing shit up after a break is really about you, not the other person. You are not trying to get back at them, you are trying to get back to You. The real you, the essence of who you are. You are trying to become an even better you than they left behind. And the coolest thing about all of this is, because you are not up for revenge, you are able to save all your good energy and put it all back into your Healing.

6 STEPS to Fuhhh shit up After A Break-Up

1. Forgive them
Break ups happen for so many reasons. Perhaps your partner may have been emotionally or physically abusive. Or maybe they cheated on you. Stolen from you. Left for no reason at all.
It may sound strange and absolutely uninspiring but forgiveness is the very first step to fucking shit up and healing yourself of the pain.
You cannot fully go forward in life without forging the past.
You must forgive them, and forgive yourself too. Whatever it is. You have to find a way to move on from it.
The reason this is so important is because you will keep yourself stuck the more things you carry around with you that are not forgiven. Forgiveness may seem like it is for the other person but truly, it is for you.
You do not have to call them on the phone to say anything..well not yet.
You only simply have to breathe into it, visualize it and let it go. Say it in your heart as truthfully as you can and fully let it all go.
This is no way easy to do, but the benefits in your life are well worth it.
Now you begin your journey towards healing.

2. Eat Good Food
This is as simple as it sounds. You must eat. Food is such a wonderful gift to man, I can see why it is often the first thing to suffer when we are in pain. We hate how we feel so much so that we skip meals, we refuse food. We just simply want to be left alone.
The truth is you are doing yourself more harm than good by not eating.
The less you eat, the worse you feel. You will lose energy and you won’t feel good generally.
So Eat. Eat good shit. Healthy meals. This is not the time for chocolate and sweets and cake and all that junk. No. This is Avocado time, apple time, some baked potatoes, well spiced home cooked chicken, Vegetables and lots of Water
Eat! Like a boss.

3. Workout.
If you really want to fuhhh shit up after a break, now is the time to get your workouts going. Do what you must to break a sweat daily.
You do yourself no good lying on the couch and reminiscing about the past. The past is gone, snap out of it and do not let it stop you from enjoying your wonderfully unfolding life. All of the love you need and deserve are here in the present moment and it truly begins with you.
Working out will not only make you feel good, it will help you feel good.
Set a body goal for yourself.
If you want to take some pounds off, commit to that. If you want to build some muscle, that’s exactly what you are going to do.

Here are two tips to help you workout happily:
. Buy some new workout gear, a few beautiful colorful pairs that look sexy on you. The right gear and clothes in the gym have a sneaky way of making us feel good and do more. So don’t just pick up an old shirt and head to the gym, invest some money in something new and rock on.
. Workout first thing in the morning if possible. Starting your day by breaking a sweat and pushing weights is not just beneficial for your body, it is wonderful for your mind. You set the tone for the rest of your day by how you begin it. So begin with a workout and feel fantastic the whole day long.

. Challenge yourself in your routines. The more you do and push yourself, the better you will feel. You must remember that you are your own biggest judge and you cannot run away from your own judgement. Knowing that you are pushing yourself at something is a good vibe and you want that.

4. De-clutter Your Space

Take a good assessment of your life and notice everything in your space that needs to go.
Old clothes, worn out shoes, things you haven’t used in the past couple of years, everything must go.
The reason for this is simple, You need Energy. Old, worn out items of clothing or personal belongings in your space take up energy. You must clear this old energy out.
De-cluttering your space is something you should generally look forward to doing every once in a while but i have found that doing one de-cluttering round after a break can bring much needed peace and speed up the healing process.

5. Change your Wardrobe:
This isn’t just about changing your wardrobe, buying new clothes and spending money. This is an essential de-cluttering process that will not only revamp your space but clear your mind as well.

6. Pour Energy into your Work, Get your Money up
The bad news is, you may feel lonely. The good news is now you have some more time on your hands. All the disgust, and loneliness and fear, or maybe even hatred that you feel can be channeled towards something useful. Make a genuine commitment to yourself to get your Money up. The focus isn’t so much so on Money per say, but on the energy of advancement, the energy of leveling up, of abundance. Go be more of you.
Commit time to the things that you love to do, the business you want to start, that book you want to write. Go do that thing you have been putting off and go do it well.
They say the best form of revenge is success, but hey, remember, we are not doing that revenge energy over here. That is low vibration and we cannot waste time with that. We are not getting back at anyone, we are getting back to you.
Go get your money up!

I wish you all the Best and Send you a Lot of Love.

Break Ups, Moving on from a Relationship and Tips To Get Back to You

I miss my ex. We broke up not too long ago and so it’s understandable that I’d miss him.
Does he miss me?  I don’t know.  He hasn’t sent a message or called me or anything to indicate that he thinks about me like I think about him.
But I do think about him. Several things bring him to mind,  music,  activities, places,  smells,  food,  anything. This of course is normal for anyone moving on from a relationship they were deeply invested in, so I’d be going against my humanness if I were to deny how I feel.

I don’t want to deny it.
I don’t want to hide.
Accepting it, Knowing it, feeling what I feel and letting the energy flow through me is the first step I have found to healing and letting go.

Sometimes, Breakups are inevitable and are necessary so Life can align us with the path that’s right for us. All of life is a learning process, you never really get it completely and sometimes we must go through several bad turns and maneuver the wrong streets to get to the path that’s right for us.
With my recent breakup, I have learned so much. I understand and I have been practicing distance. Which means that I have kept a low profile and resisted the urge to text or call him for a while now. (The Last time I did, it was bad, I learned my lesson hard and I’d share that with you in another post.)
Apparently I am going to have to keep doing this, keeping the distance, until I can finally say I have gotten over him.

I love relationships,  I really do. I love the bonding,  the sharing,  the growing together,  the knowing yourself through someone else,  the kisses,  the friendships,  I really love relationships. But I also love being single. 

Breakups do a lot of good for us if we are willing to see the bright side of it. 
For one,  you are afforded the opportunity to get together with yourself again and align with the lessons a breakup serves to teach you.
If you are open to growth,  you mostly certainly would be able to identify areas of your life needing attention that are suddenly illumined by a breakup. Often times in the beginning we do not see it, but as time passes, we come to appreciate the new space that we have and the opportunity for growth that it presents. 

Here are a few things that could help you if you are going through a Breakup and you have accepted to Move on:

1. Don’t think that jumping in with someone new would help alleviate the pain or help forget your ex. This is often a mistake and we unfortunately end up where we started and most times break up with this new person.
Another relationship isn’t going to help you get over the past relationship. That’s not its job and if that is what you are expecting of it then you are not being fair to this new person.
What would happen is you’d be projecting your insecurities and emotional trauma from the past on this new person and overwhelm them with negativity that they have not bargained for.

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2. Work to Enjoy your new space and time with yourself. This is hard to do at first especially when you are constantly reminded of your ex. But if you focus all of your energies on working to improve yourself then you would be too busy to think. The plan is to be so busy becoming a better you that you do not even have enough time to think of or miss the past.
The work for you right now is to become the person you’d like to date in the future. What characteristics and disciplines would you like for this person to possess. You must know. You have to know what kind of person you want to be with else you’d end up with anyone. The truth is you are simply looking for you in someone else or through someone else.

So it’s a win win for you to become the You that you seek to love and love you so much that when this new person comes in your life,  they come to dance in that love that you have already created and that they already have because you can only attract what you are at all times. 

3. Give your ex breathing space. Yes you are in pain and hurting,  but calling them up all the time to talk about it is certainly the kind of move that pushes them farther off. You don’t want to give them more affirmation that they made the right move by breaking up with you.
If you have been apart for a long time without any communication, I guess it’s okay for you to send a text to check in. But don’t send messages expressing how you miss them so badly and want them back.
If you send a text and they reply,  fine. If they don’t, fine. In another post I’d share with You how this move might potentially be a bad move.

So if you have made the decision to move on and you know it in your heart that Your Breakup is a good thing, then don’t send messages.
When you understand that Life is constantly working for you,  you’d come to appreciate the ups and downs of life.  There has to be a balance.
You might find yourself with someone better in a short time,  if you focus on doing the work to grow you. And when that happens you’d be certainly grateful for this breakup. 
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4. Contain your emotional and mental energies. Energy is what life is made up of. Everything is energy. If you are constantly thinking of your past,  you are letting yourself hang on there energetically. Life is pulling you forward,  always,  toward something better if you believe it.
Also when you give your thought power to your ex by thinking about them,  you are fueling them energetically. This mental energy can be used for many other things in your life right now. Don’t spend so much time reminiscing on what could have been. Be powerful enough to let the past go and begin to prepare for the wonderful future that awaits you.

5. Give yourself time.  It is commendable to take advantage of time. Don’t be in such a hurry for a new relationship. Being lonely sucks,  yes I know this,  but in loneliness is where a lot of magic happens. You can hear your inner self more,  you can be opened up to insights that you may not have been allowing in before, you are able to get to know you better. Allow yourself the pleasure of spending time alone. If a new relationship seems to be budding with someone else,  stall it. Discipline your emotional need for someone else. Give yourself a time frame to work with. It would help you have clarity and afford you enough time to work through the lessons from the past relationship.

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6. Cleanse your energy. Whatever you must do to rid yourself of old energetic patterns from past relationships,  do that.  Exercise,  fast,  eat healthy, do a water cleanse,  do a prayer cleanse,  meditate,  be celibate, decide what it is going to be for you and cleanse the toxic energy of the past.
I am currently working on my Health and fitness,  writing  some more and staying celibate. I Would update you and let you know how this has been working in a few months.   

I hope this has helped and if you would be kind to share your thoughts in comments, it most certainly would be a pleasure to chat back with you.
Thank you for Reading and I wishing you healthier more fulfilling relationships ahead.

14 things I Learned from my We-Almost-Had-it-all Ex

Relationships. I am a sucker. I love to love, this much is true. I have been lucky to meet some of the most interesting guys, and date a few of them. I have also had my fair share of the how-did-I-get-myself-in-this-mess types. For the most part I have learned quite a lot from guys throughout my life as I do have only a handful of female friends. As for relationships, with everyone that’s ended, I pick up a thing or two that I learned from it, dust my ass and move on. 
My last relationship was heaven! Yeah before it became hell. I look back on it every now and again just to watch a few clips off it and move on, which is what I pretty much do with my entire life. 

Of course right now I am in a place where I am not interested in any other relationship but the one with myself as I have come to a point where the relationship I have with myself has become much more important than anything else.
So as much as I love to love, I have decided the only person worth loving right now is me. 
Now back to my Ex.
He is very Nigerian, tall, handsome, sexy in every way a girl could think of, very caring and an all round lover boy. At this point, if any of my other Ex’es have enough sense they’d know this post isn’t about them. 
This was one of those relationships where you are absolutely so sure it was the one. Everything felt like such a dream, as does everything in Life. But as dreamy as the love was, the hurt was real whenever it occured.
I thought I’d share with you 14 things I learned from this relationship as they are indeed very good points worth noting.

1. Everything is better together

In the early stages of our relationship, my ex and I did almost everything together. We were like peas in a pod. We spent a lot of time together and it almost seemed like our lives were intricately interwoven in such a way that there was no me or him, just us. Working out, cooking, grocery shopping, salon visits, everything you could think of.
The good part of this obviously is that It made our bond that much stronger. The bad part? I found that I missed doing things on my own. He kind of became my only buddie, my best friend, my everything. He was always in my space I was always in his space. It is pretty easy to start stepping on toes when you are that close to a person and that’s exactly what happened.

2. Not everything is better together

Contrary to 1 above, actually not everything is better together. Sometimes a girl just wants to be a  girl and a boy just wants to be a boy. So everytime that we were not doing everything together, I found that I was happy to be alone. I am quite sure he was too. So in our time apart, we got that much better alone so that when we did come back together again there was so much to talk about. Balancing is key. We knew how to balance time together and time apart, but not quite well and so the odds were always against us when we didn’t get it just right.

3. Communication is an on-going thing

For any relationship at all, whether it is business, casual, friendships, love, every relationship thrives and excels because of great communication. The best form of communication above all else is real time face to face communication, and I am not talking facetime and skype. When you are with somebody physically, able to look in the person’s eyes as they speak to you, you create a bond that is real and that more special. 
However when my Ex and I were apart, we kept it together on all other channels of communication, phone calls, text messaging, BBM and even twitter. 
When we were not communicating constantly, something was wrong.
Now the question is ‘What are you talking about?’
With my Ex, we talked about everything. He was my best friend, sometimes it seemed like he was my only friend. 
Was this bad? Hell yeah! 
Bad for me though because it almost began to feel like I was losing myself socially as I had only one being in my circle most of the time.

4. Family matters

I do place family above everything. Luckily he did too. We talked about our families a lot and were in constant touch individually. 
The last thing you want is to be in a relationship with someone who hardly brings up conversation about family. Not good.

5. When there’s money, Love is good

I have never been the type of girl to size a man up according to how much he was packing financially. For the most part I believe in growing together so my choice of men have never had anything to do with their financial status. 
However when there’s money and we have enough to spend on this or that, and go to this or that place, Love is good. Every girl knows what this means.

6. When there’s no money, Love is better

Even better than 5, when there is no money, Love is better! As my relationship with my Ex has shown me. If you are like me and do not mind loving a guy for richer or poorer, then you have probably found ways to make love exciting when there is no money.
With my Ex, we found lots of ways and I mean Lots!!!
No money easily meant that we came to appreciate everything a little more than was necessary. We also were able to focus on deeper more meaningful matters like emotional, spiritual and intellectual growth, as we spent more time on naturally available non-money-buying activities.

7. Praying together is powerful

I am constantly seeking new ways to enjoy and develop my relationship with God. I am not holy, just as you aren’t, but when you are with someone on the same path spiritually, it can be a great thing to share. 
Everytime we prayed together it always felt like the prayer was that much more stronger and God answered much quicker. “Where two or three are gathered…..”

8. I am mad at you, Let’s talk about it

Over time in life I cultivated a bad habit of keeping things to myself when I was mad and shutting off for minutes, sometimes days. My ex hated it and was always quick to try to quell the situation. He taught me how to get things over with as they happened and it made a huge difference in my life. I didn’t have to walk around with all that baggage and our relationship didn’t have to suffer for something that was already in the past. 
“I am mad at you.”
“I am sorry boo. Please let’s talk about it.”
We talk about it, problem solved. Love goes on. Everybody’s happy. Goodbye. Till we fight again. Repeat cycle.

9. Keep a few secrets

This is very important. My Ex and I talked about everything yes, but everything doesn’t mean I couldn’t hold on to a few things that were mine for safe keeping. 
I can be a little too trusting for my own good sometimes and with my Ex I was exactly that. But a few skeletons in the shelf don’t hurt no one. Unfortunately for him we didn’t stay together longer for him to hear me spill.

10. We both love books, But I’d choose mine

I made a really terrible mistake of giving up my right to choose and began instead to want to do things my Ex did. This was especially true with books. We are both addicted to books but in varying subjects. However I doted on him a bit too much. I thought he was the most intelligent guy I’d ever met. I wanted to schedule my day like he scheduled his’, I wanted to read the same books he read, I made his mentors my mentors, I created To-Do lists after To-Do lists like he did even though I was much more productive as a random creative. 
Heck it didn’t take long before I lost myself in his world. 
But here’s the hard truth, no knowledge is lost. I admit that I learned quite a bit from going that route but it cannot be compared to the joy I felt when I came back to my senses and began to read and do according to my own unique needs again. 

11. Not every man is a dog

I have met quite a number of dogs in my lifetime. I don’t care how many people you have running down your list, we all have our numbers, but biko, when you are with one person, stick to one person until the devil separates you two.
My Ex respects himself too much to be a dog. Whoever the girl is that’s gonna get him now after me is one lucky girl!

12. Men are simple

All the emotional bouhaha that we female folk bring to the table really doesn’t make sense to them. They don’t get why we make something so simple appear way too complicated. Men have the simplest answers, the simplest reasons for doing what they do, it never has to be too deep, it never has to get to the point where they have to beg us. But we nor gree. 
I for one nor gree. It took a while but he finally did drive home his point into my thick skull. Men are simple, if you are willing to see it that way.

13. Rules of engagement, Keep it to yourself

This particular relationship was the best I ever had! Oooohhhh the Love. Unlike any other relationship, this one was very very very Us. I didn’t have any need to get anyone involved in our drama and like I told you at No.8, my Ex had a way of solving issues as they occured. It is true that conflict and disagreements occur in relationships to strengthen the bond, just like life does with us when things are down and tough. The more conflicts, the more opportunities to learn how to resolve them better and in a loving peaceable manner.
Because I was not involving my girlfriends or telling whoever cared to listen about my problems, it helped us solve issues between us and there were no external opinions fueling or messing things up. You know how everyone suddenly becomes a relationship expert when you have a relationship problem? Yeah, I didn’t give myself the pleasure of that kind of therapy.  Ehrmmm..actually maybe once. (There’s always that one time)

14. Love is as love does

My Ex’ favorite phrase. This is akin to love your neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you’d like them to do unto you. 
He was a master at this and everyday was a reason to love even better than yesterday.
Basically whatever you wouldn’t accept for yourself, do not extend unto your partner.

**One more!** 

15. “I Am not your Ex”

I heard this all the time. It was like a constant reminder. My Ex before this Ex was a terrible Ex. And the latter Ex hated it whenever I made it seem as though he was a reincarnation of the former Ex.
‘I am not your Ex’ he’d say to me matter of factly. And when I looked into his eyes and gazed upon his handsome face, of course I wasn’t blind. He was not that Ex obviously. He was better, more caring, sincere, very well mannered, very dedicated and a true God-send. But he is an Ex now. Just not that Ex.

Now after all that, why did we break up? Nna it’s a long story biko.