YOU ARE GOING TO GET OVER HIM – #TheTruthOnTuesday

You are going to get over him
I promise
I know for now you feel like you’ve been blanketed by sheets of somber clouds
It may seem like the sun has dimmed
And your world has become darkened
So I’m here to let you know that it is going to pass
The rays will be back
And your light will find its spark
You’re so beautiful you don’t even see it
Cause you are always looking out hoping that someone else is looking in
Hey
Hey listen to me
You are going to get over him
Time will pass quickly
And the memories will simply just fade into a shade of gray
That will be locked away in the pallet of your past
And one day
You’ll wake up and realize that you were hurting for nothing
So I hope that you’ve cried enough because now
It is time to get your hair done
Put on some makeup
And get your cake up
Begin again to do all of those things you used to do but

stopped because you began to love the dude
Focusing on living life with him
Until you forgot how to live within
So pick yourself up and go
Do whatever you have to do and just slay baby slay
Cause you are going to get over him.

So pick yourself up
Go write that book
Show up for that interview
Go sit for that exam
Make those plans

I know you cannot see it right now
But this is a blessing in disguise
The universe has only taken away the old to let in the new

You are going to get over him
But you must forgive and let go
Because if you keep on holding on then you’ll never know whats out there just waiting for you
And i can promise you that where you are going
Is better than anywhere you’ve ever been but you have to believe it

It is not true that you are not going to find

someone else who’ll love you like he did
What is true is that you will find someone else
And even more than that you’ll find yourself
Like a good old book that’s been sitting in the shelf
Because through this process you’ll discover
Pieces of you that have been hidden for so long

BEFORE YOU GO BACK TO YOUR EX, See This

So you have been off this relationship for quite some time now and you have begun to feel new energy, that undeniable sense of moving on. You are beginning to enjoy your time alone and day by day you are finding ways to let go.
Or so it seems until something reminds you of your ex; A song on the radio, the smell of food, a name in the book you are reading, their picture popped on your Instagram explore feed.
Ahhh the many things that can jerk your memory of them are endless.
So now you are thinking about them and you begin to imagine what could have been.

You may even think you have done wrong for not fighting for this relationship to work and that sick guilty feeling that you may have failed will cause you to want to correct that failure. Cause we all hate to imagine that we failed at something right?
For many people, it is the feeling that they may never find a love like that again that drives them into self lolling and hurt. They consider the number of months or maybe even years that they spent building the relationship and they cannot bring themselves to let an investment like that go to waste.For many others, it is the Sex. The sex was just so good to pass on. They cannot bare to imagine their ex enjoying what they had with someone else.


I will tackle these scenarios in a second post but in this first post, I really am trying to just get you to understand that the question of going back to your ex has more to do with time than anything else.
When a break-up is still fairly fresh in the memory, the mind will continually trick you with endless possibilities of thought.
Understand how the mind operates. You already have stored memory and vital information for it to work with. It is already used to certain thought patterns. The mind isn’t trying to push you to do anything, it is only trying to help you by offering thought ideas from your memory bank to offer a solution for your present pain or distress.

Your mind will present different scenarios you can act upon based on what memories, ideas, thoughts, concepts and beliefs you may hold presently, but your decision will ultimately be on you.
And so know that it will take some time for your mind to do the necessary adjusting to find solutions for you that have nothing to do with your ex.
But not just time in the sense of time passing, actual time invested in created new powerful thought patterns in your memory bank. And the only way to do this is to spend this time away from your ex living your best life so to speak.

When you allow time pass and work patiently with time, you will soon find that what seemed most important isn’t really as important as you thought.
For instance, you may soon realize all the many good things you have learned about yourself thanks to that relationship and you may even begin to say that the time invested in that relationship was worth it because now you know this and that.

Many couples break up and get back together with the hopes of fixing things and this is always wonderful if both parties are fully involved in the process. If getting back together is a decision they are both individually deciding upon and see it as best for them then this is mutual and healthy.

However if one person is forcing a come back and the other wants nothing to do with it, then it is clear there is nothing to fight for. Why be with somebody who doesn’t want to be with you?

I suggest that if you have reached the final stages of the final breakup of a relationship, even though you might feel like you want them back, stop and allow time.
As time passes you will begin to feel better and lighter. The memories will fade. You will be a different person because you have begun to actively engage in your highest pleasures.
And one day you will realize you do not even want them back. You might even say “I am so grateful I left that person else I wouldn’t have been able to do this or that, meet this person or that.”

However the other beautiful thing about Time is the fact that if these two people were meant to be together for a purpose the Universe deems worthy, then by the inner workings of nature life will circle them both together at a time when they would have become ready to take on the challenges of a relationship together.

If you think about going back to your ex because you are in pain and cannot do without them, it is not the right time.

If you think about going back to your ex because the sex was so good and you cannot imagine sex with someone else, it is not the right time.

If you think about going back to your ex because you feel like you invested so much in that relationship and don’t want to let it go cause you cannot imagine building from scratch with someone else, it is not the right time.

If you think about going back to your ex because you need to prove to yourself that you are not a failure and you can make the relationship work, it is not the right time.

The right time to go back to your ex is when you both have consciously become aware of your faults and errors and have both come to a place where, out of Love and respect for each other, you want to Work together to Grow together. You may need to stay separated for a while for this to happen but no matter how long it takes, if you were meant to be together for a good purpose to the universe, then by the inner workings of nature, life will circle you back together so that the workings and contribution from your love together can be felt and experienced through all of time and space.

Know that the universe is alive with the energy that causes creation and expansion. Everything in Nature aims towards life and growth. If it is not growing, it will die. 
When things break we are tempted to want to fix them, to put it back together as it was. It is human nature, our innate capacity to make things better.
However, sometimes, we must observe and try to understand why they broke instead of rushing in to fix it.
Speaking of relationships now, there are always so many lessons to learn whether the relationship is intact or broken. Give it time, learn the lessons inherent for you and live into your best self while time does it’s work through you and for you. And if you were meant to be together again, everything in the universe will conspire to circle you both back together. Trust Your Process. Go live your amazing life!

How To Fuuuhh Shit Up AFTER A BREAK-UP- 6 STEPS!

Breakups are hard, and painful. I of all people should know this.

I have had all kinds of break ups in my short beautiful life. The break up from a crush that you never got to Kiss, the break up from the first boyfriend cause you had to travel all across the country to college, the very painful almost regretful break up from the one you thought was the one, the super dramatic breakup from an abusive boyfriend, even a break up after a ring on the Finger.
I have seen it all, maybe not quite all of it, but I dare say I have seen enough.
Funny enough I am not that girl to quit on Love. I never say “Oh fuck that! Men are scum! I don’t need a man.”
Naaahhh hell no! I love love. I love being with someone and giving them so much love and having them support and care for me too. I still look forward to my next love and as much as I am itching to have it, I know I must wait this one out and I am happily waiting right now.

Often times after the realization of a break up sets in, we become defensive, almost standing on the brink of revenge. We feel revengeful not because we are mean people, but because we feel all of these emotions that tell us the other person has done us a bad thing and they must pay for it.
This can be understandable. You are in pain, you feel helpless. Perhaps they have even done the unthinkable and blocked your number or refused your many calls.
How can they not pay?

Truth is, revenge will only take as much energy from you as you need for your own healing and all of that is really unnecessary.
So what do I mean “Fuhhh shit up?”

You have to bring all of your attention back to you.
First let me share 6 Life Lessons from Breakups and these may be general or specific, some may resonate with you and others won’t.

6 Life Lessons from Breakups

  •  Break ups afford you new found time for yourself and your goals
  • There is always a lesson for you in every relationship and you must seek to find out what it is. People do not simply come into your life for no reason, there’s always something to gain that helps you in the evolution of your soul
  • When you go back to reassess what happened, and you ponder on why it happened, you get answers that will help you. You are able to see areas for improvement in your own life
  • Break-ups help you understand yourself as a Lover and exposes you to traits that you do not want in your next partner. You also get to understand what you are looking for in a relationship and can now set yourself up to those new standards.
  • The pain experienced from Break-ups are very Emotionally Healing and as much as this sounds like an irony, it is a fact. The pain pulls you through a break down and rebuild process that you have no choice but to pull through. And you will be the better for it.
  • Now that you are alone, isn’t it wonderful to be able to give yourself your own love?

First I want you to know that fuhhing shit up after a break is really about you, not the other person. You are not trying to get back at them, you are trying to get back to You. The real you, the essence of who you are. You are trying to become an even better you than they left behind. And the coolest thing about all of this is, because you are not up for revenge, you are able to save all your good energy and put it all back into your Healing.

6 STEPS to Fuhhh shit up After A Break-Up

1. Forgive them
Break ups happen for so many reasons. Perhaps your partner may have been emotionally or physically abusive. Or maybe they cheated on you. Stolen from you. Left for no reason at all.
It may sound strange and absolutely uninspiring but forgiveness is the very first step to fucking shit up and healing yourself of the pain.
You cannot fully go forward in life without forging the past.
You must forgive them, and forgive yourself too. Whatever it is. You have to find a way to move on from it.
The reason this is so important is because you will keep yourself stuck the more things you carry around with you that are not forgiven. Forgiveness may seem like it is for the other person but truly, it is for you.
You do not have to call them on the phone to say anything..well not yet.
You only simply have to breathe into it, visualize it and let it go. Say it in your heart as truthfully as you can and fully let it all go.
This is no way easy to do, but the benefits in your life are well worth it.
Now you begin your journey towards healing.

2. Eat Good Food
This is as simple as it sounds. You must eat. Food is such a wonderful gift to man, I can see why it is often the first thing to suffer when we are in pain. We hate how we feel so much so that we skip meals, we refuse food. We just simply want to be left alone.
The truth is you are doing yourself more harm than good by not eating.
The less you eat, the worse you feel. You will lose energy and you won’t feel good generally.
So Eat. Eat good shit. Healthy meals. This is not the time for chocolate and sweets and cake and all that junk. No. This is Avocado time, apple time, some baked potatoes, well spiced home cooked chicken, Vegetables and lots of Water
Eat! Like a boss.

3. Workout.
If you really want to fuhhh shit up after a break, now is the time to get your workouts going. Do what you must to break a sweat daily.
You do yourself no good lying on the couch and reminiscing about the past. The past is gone, snap out of it and do not let it stop you from enjoying your wonderfully unfolding life. All of the love you need and deserve are here in the present moment and it truly begins with you.
Working out will not only make you feel good, it will help you feel good.
Set a body goal for yourself.
If you want to take some pounds off, commit to that. If you want to build some muscle, that’s exactly what you are going to do.

Here are two tips to help you workout happily:
. Buy some new workout gear, a few beautiful colorful pairs that look sexy on you. The right gear and clothes in the gym have a sneaky way of making us feel good and do more. So don’t just pick up an old shirt and head to the gym, invest some money in something new and rock on.
. Workout first thing in the morning if possible. Starting your day by breaking a sweat and pushing weights is not just beneficial for your body, it is wonderful for your mind. You set the tone for the rest of your day by how you begin it. So begin with a workout and feel fantastic the whole day long.

. Challenge yourself in your routines. The more you do and push yourself, the better you will feel. You must remember that you are your own biggest judge and you cannot run away from your own judgement. Knowing that you are pushing yourself at something is a good vibe and you want that.

4. De-clutter Your Space

Take a good assessment of your life and notice everything in your space that needs to go.
Old clothes, worn out shoes, things you haven’t used in the past couple of years, everything must go.
The reason for this is simple, You need Energy. Old, worn out items of clothing or personal belongings in your space take up energy. You must clear this old energy out.
De-cluttering your space is something you should generally look forward to doing every once in a while but i have found that doing one de-cluttering round after a break can bring much needed peace and speed up the healing process.

5. Change your Wardrobe:
This isn’t just about changing your wardrobe, buying new clothes and spending money. This is an essential de-cluttering process that will not only revamp your space but clear your mind as well.

6. Pour Energy into your Work, Get your Money up
The bad news is, you may feel lonely. The good news is now you have some more time on your hands. All the disgust, and loneliness and fear, or maybe even hatred that you feel can be channeled towards something useful. Make a genuine commitment to yourself to get your Money up. The focus isn’t so much so on Money per say, but on the energy of advancement, the energy of leveling up, of abundance. Go be more of you.
Commit time to the things that you love to do, the business you want to start, that book you want to write. Go do that thing you have been putting off and go do it well.
They say the best form of revenge is success, but hey, remember, we are not doing that revenge energy over here. That is low vibration and we cannot waste time with that. We are not getting back at anyone, we are getting back to you.
Go get your money up!

I wish you all the Best and Send you a Lot of Love.

Are you IN LOVE? Or is it the SEX?

Two days ago in this Post, I shared with you how I had fallen very sick and had to do a bed rest, watching if my Body would heal itself without Medical care. Well the good news is in! It did! And boy am I so excited to share all the things I did with you.
But not in this post today. 

 

Today I want to dive into something really different, a little sensitive and I ask that you be patient with me, read through my thoughts and as always please share your own ideas in comments. 
Now let’s jump into our conversation for today. 
Are you really in love or is the sex keeping you bound?

 

If the only time you feel connected to your partner is when you are having sex with him, then there might be a deeper problem that you are refusing to address. 

And oftentimes it has nothing to do with him, but more to do with you.
How do you feel about yourself? Have you thought about this? Is it possible that a large part of you has become very small that you no longer demand better for yourself and just seem to ride with whatever waves pour in? 

Many women have found themselves stuck in relationships that once upon a time started really well, with great affection, deep-meaningful conversations, and what could have possibly been an enviable friendship. But as time passed, they found less and less satisfaction from the relationship, needing more affection or more thoughtful interactions but never getting it, and instead only getting and settling for more and more sex with quickly fleeting satisfaction.Does this sound like you?

Are you currently in a relationship where you feel like the sex is all you have? Maybe you are right.
And if this is the case then you might want to begin to consider the underlying reasons why you are still in that relationship.

We all know that the best relationships are those that thrive on friendship, mutual respect, engaging and meaningful conversation, support of one and another and mutual accountability among other values. If most of these is missing in your current relationship with your partner it is most likely because your own personal values are warped, distorted, out of place.

 

WATCH VIDEOHOW CAN I LET GO OF AN
                                   UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
  
This can result from a lack of self esteem, a deep-seated limiting belief of lack of self worth and general lack of love and respect for yourself.
You must begin to address what it is about yourself that you are currently not happy about and notice how you are using sex to compensate for that. 
Many women equate Sex with Love and this misconception is one that has caused a lot of emotional trauma in many relationships today.
While sex is largely an emotional experience for women, it really can be less emotional for men and more physical. 
So for the most part you may be compensating with sex because you have wrongly believed that this equates to love on his part and the truth is, it doesn’t.
What you may be seeking is affection or attention from another person, love as we call it on the surface level. 
And if you are seeking love, albeit desperately, if it has become a sort of mask to hide the real wounds that are eating you up, then you may never end up with the healthy kind of love that you deserve. If you can trust yourself enough to go through the temporary pain that will result from breaking away for long enough to heal yourself, then you just may be able to get yourself into the right path in love in good time.
Your job at this point is to stare at yourself long and hard in the mirror and ask yourself what you’ll rather have.
How would you want a man to treat you? How would you want your ideal relationship to be?
What would have to happen everyday in your relationship asides sex?
These quick questions will help you uncover all the parts of your present relationship that do not serve your highest good and perhaps help you make the life changing decision to let go.
And in letting go, you must begin to place yourself and your well-being as your own priority. 
Know that you are capable of loving yourself, of giving yourself enough attention to sustain you and overflow. Accept that you are wonderful, and beautiful and just so perfect in every way.  

READ ALSO : Do You Want a Better Life? TRY THIS!

Begin to take time out to care for yourself, get your hair done for yourself, put on some makeup for yourself, begin to put time to working out and exercising for yourself, buy yourself a few new clothes and take a few hot photos of you.
And do all the wonderful creative things that you have in your heart to do. As time goes by you will begin to like the new you better and you will begin to set some new standards in love for yourself. The more you like yourself, the better you feel, and the better the Love/Relationship you will attract in the future. You will also find yourself less dependent on others and more dependent on yourself as you begin to take more and more responsibility for your own happiness. 

I hope this helps create clarity for you and you come off feeling better about you, and ready to be accountable to you. 

 
WATCH THESE RELATED VIDEOS FROM MY CHANNEL



 

Break Ups, Moving on from a Relationship and Tips To Get Back to You

I miss my ex. We broke up not too long ago and so it’s understandable that I’d miss him.
Does he miss me?  I don’t know.  He hasn’t sent a message or called me or anything to indicate that he thinks about me like I think about him.
But I do think about him. Several things bring him to mind,  music,  activities, places,  smells,  food,  anything. This of course is normal for anyone moving on from a relationship they were deeply invested in, so I’d be going against my humanness if I were to deny how I feel.

I don’t want to deny it.
I don’t want to hide.
Accepting it, Knowing it, feeling what I feel and letting the energy flow through me is the first step I have found to healing and letting go.

Sometimes, Breakups are inevitable and are necessary so Life can align us with the path that’s right for us. All of life is a learning process, you never really get it completely and sometimes we must go through several bad turns and maneuver the wrong streets to get to the path that’s right for us.
With my recent breakup, I have learned so much. I understand and I have been practicing distance. Which means that I have kept a low profile and resisted the urge to text or call him for a while now. (The Last time I did, it was bad, I learned my lesson hard and I’d share that with you in another post.)
Apparently I am going to have to keep doing this, keeping the distance, until I can finally say I have gotten over him.

I love relationships,  I really do. I love the bonding,  the sharing,  the growing together,  the knowing yourself through someone else,  the kisses,  the friendships,  I really love relationships. But I also love being single. 

Breakups do a lot of good for us if we are willing to see the bright side of it. 
For one,  you are afforded the opportunity to get together with yourself again and align with the lessons a breakup serves to teach you.
If you are open to growth,  you mostly certainly would be able to identify areas of your life needing attention that are suddenly illumined by a breakup. Often times in the beginning we do not see it, but as time passes, we come to appreciate the new space that we have and the opportunity for growth that it presents. 

Here are a few things that could help you if you are going through a Breakup and you have accepted to Move on:

1. Don’t think that jumping in with someone new would help alleviate the pain or help forget your ex. This is often a mistake and we unfortunately end up where we started and most times break up with this new person.
Another relationship isn’t going to help you get over the past relationship. That’s not its job and if that is what you are expecting of it then you are not being fair to this new person.
What would happen is you’d be projecting your insecurities and emotional trauma from the past on this new person and overwhelm them with negativity that they have not bargained for.

 SEE ALSO:  This Simple Life Tip can Change your Whole Life! Simple Life Hacks for Achieving Goals

2. Work to Enjoy your new space and time with yourself. This is hard to do at first especially when you are constantly reminded of your ex. But if you focus all of your energies on working to improve yourself then you would be too busy to think. The plan is to be so busy becoming a better you that you do not even have enough time to think of or miss the past.
The work for you right now is to become the person you’d like to date in the future. What characteristics and disciplines would you like for this person to possess. You must know. You have to know what kind of person you want to be with else you’d end up with anyone. The truth is you are simply looking for you in someone else or through someone else.

So it’s a win win for you to become the You that you seek to love and love you so much that when this new person comes in your life,  they come to dance in that love that you have already created and that they already have because you can only attract what you are at all times. 

3. Give your ex breathing space. Yes you are in pain and hurting,  but calling them up all the time to talk about it is certainly the kind of move that pushes them farther off. You don’t want to give them more affirmation that they made the right move by breaking up with you.
If you have been apart for a long time without any communication, I guess it’s okay for you to send a text to check in. But don’t send messages expressing how you miss them so badly and want them back.
If you send a text and they reply,  fine. If they don’t, fine. In another post I’d share with You how this move might potentially be a bad move.

So if you have made the decision to move on and you know it in your heart that Your Breakup is a good thing, then don’t send messages.
When you understand that Life is constantly working for you,  you’d come to appreciate the ups and downs of life.  There has to be a balance.
You might find yourself with someone better in a short time,  if you focus on doing the work to grow you. And when that happens you’d be certainly grateful for this breakup. 
SEE ALSO :  Can’t Focus on Your Goals? What I do when I cannot Focus

4. Contain your emotional and mental energies. Energy is what life is made up of. Everything is energy. If you are constantly thinking of your past,  you are letting yourself hang on there energetically. Life is pulling you forward,  always,  toward something better if you believe it.
Also when you give your thought power to your ex by thinking about them,  you are fueling them energetically. This mental energy can be used for many other things in your life right now. Don’t spend so much time reminiscing on what could have been. Be powerful enough to let the past go and begin to prepare for the wonderful future that awaits you.

5. Give yourself time.  It is commendable to take advantage of time. Don’t be in such a hurry for a new relationship. Being lonely sucks,  yes I know this,  but in loneliness is where a lot of magic happens. You can hear your inner self more,  you can be opened up to insights that you may not have been allowing in before, you are able to get to know you better. Allow yourself the pleasure of spending time alone. If a new relationship seems to be budding with someone else,  stall it. Discipline your emotional need for someone else. Give yourself a time frame to work with. It would help you have clarity and afford you enough time to work through the lessons from the past relationship.

SEE ALSO:  If You are Doing this, You are Killing Yourself | Self Perception

6. Cleanse your energy. Whatever you must do to rid yourself of old energetic patterns from past relationships,  do that.  Exercise,  fast,  eat healthy, do a water cleanse,  do a prayer cleanse,  meditate,  be celibate, decide what it is going to be for you and cleanse the toxic energy of the past.
I am currently working on my Health and fitness,  writing  some more and staying celibate. I Would update you and let you know how this has been working in a few months.   

I hope this has helped and if you would be kind to share your thoughts in comments, it most certainly would be a pleasure to chat back with you.
Thank you for Reading and I wishing you healthier more fulfilling relationships ahead.

7 Life Lessons I have learned from my Mom and 4 things I’d Love to do like her

Today is my Mom’s Birthday!!!! And as I sit here to type this, I am thinking deeply about what it means to be a Mother and how sometimes we overlook or do not appreciate sincerely what a Mother’s love is. One time in my life I believed I wanted to be a Mother at 21. For me the thought of being young and starting kids early was all that mattered to me. But as I have grown older I have realized how very unready I have been all this time to take on the role. It is a lot that goes into parenting and being the mother of a child let alone 5 like my Mother is.
I have a dog, Frankie, whom right now I am so upset with myself for not doing as much with training him and starting very early. Now I am faced with an overbearing Alsatian who is running into adulthood and at the same time running around my house like an overly excited man on heat.
Sometimes I console myself and tell myself that Frankie is definitely no yardstick for measuring how well I’d do with a child, for the most part I am super great with kids, and kids are humans, and you cannot compare humans with dogs, and the psychology of a child is different from that of a dog,  and all that bla bla.
So here I am on this day July 4th, thinking of my darling mother as she celebrates another year and I am saying to myself, I gotta write and share with you 7things I have learned from my Mom and 4things I’d Love to do like her as she Celebrates on July 4!

7 Life lessons I have learned from my Mother
● Giving has nothing to do with How much you have:
Ever since I was little, it has been a constant occurrence to watch my Mom give. She was always first to send out the basket of Christmas rice and chicken to the neighbours, always attends a party with her gifts, always gives an extra tip for service done and if all else fails, she’d cook you a nice meal.
It was striking to note that regardless of the fact that we didn’t have it all, she constantly decided we had enough for her to give.
The other day as we drove down our street circling a curve that led home, my Mom suddenly stopped the car, popped the trunk and passed a bag of rice to our neighbor who had just suffered a loss.
I sat there in the passenger seat and wondered what sort of angel I had been blessed with for a mother.
It is no surprise that there is always enough food in my parents house. Givers never lack.

● It is a blessing to cook for People:
I really would like to believe that in another life my Mom might be a Restauranter, and a very successful one at that. That is if she isn’t already considering the option in this current life. Without a doubt my Mom is a great cook, but it isn’t just the ability to cook so well that is striking with this Delta woman, it is the grace she exudes when she cooks that is attractive.
She is even much more happier when there are more than 2 people to cook for, the more the merrier.
When we have parties or family celebrations, she is out there with her beautiful sisters blowing away at the firewood with hand fans and newspapers, cutting up vegetables to feed a nation and chatting happily.
When everyone digs in on the dish, you can see the joy in their faces. It isn’t just because the food tasted great, it is also because my Mom transfered that joy into the cooking. Delta women are so good at this. She must have learned it from my Grandmother. I on the other hand have learned it from her. I’m telling you!

● Prayer works

With my Mother, the solution to every problem begins with prayer. And when there is no problem then even more prayer should be offered.
As a family she ensures we pray together at night before bed, everyone in the room, singing praises and praying. Without a doubt this has been a major factor in all the blessings we have enjoyed, in the love that we have which is continually growing even as we grow older, and in the successes that we have.
She takes this attitude with her everywhere, visiting friends and praying with them, praying with a mother who has just had a baby, praying with a couple going through the motions, praying for us when we are in sight and out of sight, Just constantly praying.
Without the fervent prayers of my mother, I have no idea where I’d be.

● If you are not going to do it, I’d do it myself:
Independent as F! That woman. I don’t know if it is because she was born July4th, America’s Independence or if it is because she was born in the year “1960” Nigeria’s Independence, but she takes being independent to a whole other level!
‘If you are not going to do it,I’d do it myself’ you can hear her say to me after she has asked me to do something I may not have gotten up to go do.
And to prove her point, she would get down to begin doing it before I have even had a chance to kick my rebellious reluctance to the side.

● Having multiple jobs is the way to go
Nursing and caring for people has been my Mother’s passion for well over 20 years! And she has seen to it that she is successful at it. However she has other passions in fashion, business and God and she follows them fearlessly.

● You always have the time and energy to do everything you have to do:
It doesn’t matter whether she has just got home from work and there was traffic through the entire drive home and her feet were weak and sore from driving, and the rain had poured down heavily and sleep was all her heart wanted, my Mom would go straight to the house duties that awaited her arrival. And then after that head into her sewing room to pedal away at her sewing machine to complete an outfit she had cut up earlier. Then she would wake up the next morning at 5AM to work this entire process again. What kind of a woman are you this woman??

● Everyone is Equal

With my mother there is no such thing as segregation. No matter who it was she treated all equally. When we lived in Bida Niger state, we had farms and a lot of young Nupe men who worked for my her on the farms. Those were the days! Life was just a beautiful canvas for growing food. We planted maize, and beans, and millet and a lot of vegetables.
When farm work was over, instead of sending the boys to their homes, she’d invite them over to our house, cook for them and offer them water. And when their food and water was served, it was served in the same plates and cups that everyone else in the house used.
There was no cup for the poor people and one for the rich. There was no plate for the family and one for the strangers. There was no chair for us and one for them. Everyone got the same heart warming hospitality and a smile to go with it.

4 Things I’d Love to do Like my Mother
● Give of myself in service to others gracefully
Always ready to help, always ready to give, always there and doing it with a big smile on her beautiful face, my Mom offers herself to others willingly. I do not know if it is the nursing gene or if it is the Angel in her, might be both. I want to do just that too!

● Grow my own Vegetables
Everywhere we have lived my Mom always has her little bed of greens somewhere in the compound. The farming spirit from Bida never completely left her you see. With that we always had greens ready to be cut fresh and cooked when we needed them.
Imagine the joy of growing your own vegetables!

● Raise smart successful kids
My sister is a successful business woman running her own catering company. My elder brother is one of the most sort after Web developers in Nigeria with madam Alakija sitting pretty on his clientelle list. I am what I am. Hehe. My younger brother is a computer networking geek running his fingers in fiber optics and space. The youngest is an instrumentalist, playing every musical instrument he can lay his hands on and is now a fantastic music Producer at only 17.
Sometimes I wonder how my Mom feels having that and when I think about it, I know for a fact I gotta have kids like us.

● Work back-breakingly hard
Oh the work she puts in! I am constantly ashamed of myself when I realize I haven’t even begun to work half as hard as my Mom. She has been my inspiration always and even more so now as I quiver and shake through the hurdles of life.
I have seen what hard work produces from watching her and everyday I pray the Lord grants me the grace to go over and beyond like she does.

Happy Birthday Momma!! I love you baby boo. Thank you for being the best Mother anyone could ever ask for and may the spirit of the Lord always be with you!
Oh did I tell you? My mom birthed me herself in the car as she and my dad journeyed through Abuja. The woman just sat there in the passenger seat and pulled me out with her hands. Madam “I’d do it myself”. There’s no stopping her ever! LOL

14 things I Learned from my We-Almost-Had-it-all Ex

Relationships. I am a sucker. I love to love, this much is true. I have been lucky to meet some of the most interesting guys, and date a few of them. I have also had my fair share of the how-did-I-get-myself-in-this-mess types. For the most part I have learned quite a lot from guys throughout my life as I do have only a handful of female friends. As for relationships, with everyone that’s ended, I pick up a thing or two that I learned from it, dust my ass and move on. 
My last relationship was heaven! Yeah before it became hell. I look back on it every now and again just to watch a few clips off it and move on, which is what I pretty much do with my entire life. 

Of course right now I am in a place where I am not interested in any other relationship but the one with myself as I have come to a point where the relationship I have with myself has become much more important than anything else.
So as much as I love to love, I have decided the only person worth loving right now is me. 
Now back to my Ex.
He is very Nigerian, tall, handsome, sexy in every way a girl could think of, very caring and an all round lover boy. At this point, if any of my other Ex’es have enough sense they’d know this post isn’t about them. 
This was one of those relationships where you are absolutely so sure it was the one. Everything felt like such a dream, as does everything in Life. But as dreamy as the love was, the hurt was real whenever it occured.
I thought I’d share with you 14 things I learned from this relationship as they are indeed very good points worth noting.

1. Everything is better together

In the early stages of our relationship, my ex and I did almost everything together. We were like peas in a pod. We spent a lot of time together and it almost seemed like our lives were intricately interwoven in such a way that there was no me or him, just us. Working out, cooking, grocery shopping, salon visits, everything you could think of.
The good part of this obviously is that It made our bond that much stronger. The bad part? I found that I missed doing things on my own. He kind of became my only buddie, my best friend, my everything. He was always in my space I was always in his space. It is pretty easy to start stepping on toes when you are that close to a person and that’s exactly what happened.


2. Not everything is better together

Contrary to 1 above, actually not everything is better together. Sometimes a girl just wants to be a  girl and a boy just wants to be a boy. So everytime that we were not doing everything together, I found that I was happy to be alone. I am quite sure he was too. So in our time apart, we got that much better alone so that when we did come back together again there was so much to talk about. Balancing is key. We knew how to balance time together and time apart, but not quite well and so the odds were always against us when we didn’t get it just right.



3. Communication is an on-going thing

For any relationship at all, whether it is business, casual, friendships, love, every relationship thrives and excels because of great communication. The best form of communication above all else is real time face to face communication, and I am not talking facetime and skype. When you are with somebody physically, able to look in the person’s eyes as they speak to you, you create a bond that is real and that more special. 
However when my Ex and I were apart, we kept it together on all other channels of communication, phone calls, text messaging, BBM and even twitter. 
When we were not communicating constantly, something was wrong.
Now the question is ‘What are you talking about?’
With my Ex, we talked about everything. He was my best friend, sometimes it seemed like he was my only friend. 
Was this bad? Hell yeah! 
Bad for me though because it almost began to feel like I was losing myself socially as I had only one being in my circle most of the time.



4. Family matters

I do place family above everything. Luckily he did too. We talked about our families a lot and were in constant touch individually. 
The last thing you want is to be in a relationship with someone who hardly brings up conversation about family. Not good.


5. When there’s money, Love is good

I have never been the type of girl to size a man up according to how much he was packing financially. For the most part I believe in growing together so my choice of men have never had anything to do with their financial status. 
However when there’s money and we have enough to spend on this or that, and go to this or that place, Love is good. Every girl knows what this means.


6. When there’s no money, Love is better

Even better than 5, when there is no money, Love is better! As my relationship with my Ex has shown me. If you are like me and do not mind loving a guy for richer or poorer, then you have probably found ways to make love exciting when there is no money.
With my Ex, we found lots of ways and I mean Lots!!!
No money easily meant that we came to appreciate everything a little more than was necessary. We also were able to focus on deeper more meaningful matters like emotional, spiritual and intellectual growth, as we spent more time on naturally available non-money-buying activities.


7. Praying together is powerful

I am constantly seeking new ways to enjoy and develop my relationship with God. I am not holy, just as you aren’t, but when you are with someone on the same path spiritually, it can be a great thing to share. 
Everytime we prayed together it always felt like the prayer was that much more stronger and God answered much quicker. “Where two or three are gathered…..”


8. I am mad at you, Let’s talk about it

Over time in life I cultivated a bad habit of keeping things to myself when I was mad and shutting off for minutes, sometimes days. My ex hated it and was always quick to try to quell the situation. He taught me how to get things over with as they happened and it made a huge difference in my life. I didn’t have to walk around with all that baggage and our relationship didn’t have to suffer for something that was already in the past. 
“I am mad at you.”
“I am sorry boo. Please let’s talk about it.”
We talk about it, problem solved. Love goes on. Everybody’s happy. Goodbye. Till we fight again. Repeat cycle.


9. Keep a few secrets

This is very important. My Ex and I talked about everything yes, but everything doesn’t mean I couldn’t hold on to a few things that were mine for safe keeping. 
I can be a little too trusting for my own good sometimes and with my Ex I was exactly that. But a few skeletons in the shelf don’t hurt no one. Unfortunately for him we didn’t stay together longer for him to hear me spill.


10. We both love books, But I’d choose mine

I made a really terrible mistake of giving up my right to choose and began instead to want to do things my Ex did. This was especially true with books. We are both addicted to books but in varying subjects. However I doted on him a bit too much. I thought he was the most intelligent guy I’d ever met. I wanted to schedule my day like he scheduled his’, I wanted to read the same books he read, I made his mentors my mentors, I created To-Do lists after To-Do lists like he did even though I was much more productive as a random creative. 
Heck it didn’t take long before I lost myself in his world. 
But here’s the hard truth, no knowledge is lost. I admit that I learned quite a bit from going that route but it cannot be compared to the joy I felt when I came back to my senses and began to read and do according to my own unique needs again. 


11. Not every man is a dog

I have met quite a number of dogs in my lifetime. I don’t care how many people you have running down your list, we all have our numbers, but biko, when you are with one person, stick to one person until the devil separates you two.
My Ex respects himself too much to be a dog. Whoever the girl is that’s gonna get him now after me is one lucky girl!


12. Men are simple

All the emotional bouhaha that we female folk bring to the table really doesn’t make sense to them. They don’t get why we make something so simple appear way too complicated. Men have the simplest answers, the simplest reasons for doing what they do, it never has to be too deep, it never has to get to the point where they have to beg us. But we nor gree. 
I for one nor gree. It took a while but he finally did drive home his point into my thick skull. Men are simple, if you are willing to see it that way.



13. Rules of engagement, Keep it to yourself

This particular relationship was the best I ever had! Oooohhhh the Love. Unlike any other relationship, this one was very very very Us. I didn’t have any need to get anyone involved in our drama and like I told you at No.8, my Ex had a way of solving issues as they occured. It is true that conflict and disagreements occur in relationships to strengthen the bond, just like life does with us when things are down and tough. The more conflicts, the more opportunities to learn how to resolve them better and in a loving peaceable manner.
Because I was not involving my girlfriends or telling whoever cared to listen about my problems, it helped us solve issues between us and there were no external opinions fueling or messing things up. You know how everyone suddenly becomes a relationship expert when you have a relationship problem? Yeah, I didn’t give myself the pleasure of that kind of therapy.  Ehrmmm..actually maybe once. (There’s always that one time)

14. Love is as love does

My Ex’ favorite phrase. This is akin to love your neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you’d like them to do unto you. 
He was a master at this and everyday was a reason to love even better than yesterday.
Basically whatever you wouldn’t accept for yourself, do not extend unto your partner.

**One more!** 

15. “I Am not your Ex”

I heard this all the time. It was like a constant reminder. My Ex before this Ex was a terrible Ex. And the latter Ex hated it whenever I made it seem as though he was a reincarnation of the former Ex.
‘I am not your Ex’ he’d say to me matter of factly. And when I looked into his eyes and gazed upon his handsome face, of course I wasn’t blind. He was not that Ex obviously. He was better, more caring, sincere, very well mannered, very dedicated and a true God-send. But he is an Ex now. Just not that Ex.


Now after all that, why did we break up? Nna it’s a long story biko.